Kalin introduced me to comedian Jim Gaffigan. She had gone to one of his shows for Comedy Central and it was on Comedy Central last weekend so a bunch of us watched it. Hilarious stuff. Jim is a Hoosier originally, and I found a clip of a show where he talked about Indiana and it was just too funny to not post.

“I’m originally from Indiana. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana… Mafia, but the fact of the matter is, where I grew up there was something very similar to the Mafia. 4-H. You didn’t mess with 4-H unless you wanna wake up with a cow head in your bed. There’s a different kind of pride where I’m from. It’s not like, ‘We’re from New York; we’re tough!’ or, ‘We’re from Texas; we like things big!’ It’s more like, ‘We’re from Indiana. And… we’re going to move! We’re gettin’ outta here.’ It’s fun being on the east coast when you’re from the midwest because people are nice but they’re very condescending. ‘You from where? Indiana? Oh, welcome. There’s electricity, and there’s a stool; you don’t gotta sit on the ground no more.’ A lot of people on the east coast view Indiana the same way you view Dolly Parton’s Dollywood. You know, you’ve heard of it but you’re not really sure where it is but you’re pretty sure you’re never gonna fucking go there. ‘Oh, I’ll never go there. I’ve heard of it, though!’ People have driven through Indiana. Periodically someone will go, ‘Oh, you’re from Indiana? I drove through Indiana once.’ I never know what to say… ‘I remember you. You were a very good driver. How’d you stay in-between those lines?’ At least I don’t lie about where I’m from. I love it when people do that. It’s like, ‘Hey, where’re you from?’ ‘Me, I’m from Chicago.’ ‘Oh really? Where in Chicago?’ ‘Uhhh, outside Chicago.’ ‘Where outside Chicago?’ ‘Milwaukee.’ ‘Oh really? I’m from the future.’ Back home at Christmas, whenever I go home, my brothers and sisters think I’ve changed so much. They’re always like, ‘Oh, welcome home, Mr. New York. What’s that you’re wearing, Mr. Stylish New Yorker?’ ‘It’s a belt.’ Back home I was walking around the K-Mart in our hometown, or as we called it, ‘The Mall.’ I was walking around the K-Mart and I saw a guy in the K-Mart drinking a cup of KFC gravy. And you know, I love gravy too but I’ve never considered it a beverage. Wouldn’t you love to be the doctor of this guy? ‘Hey, how ya doin’ there, Mr. Jones? I’m your doctor, I got your cholesterol here. You’re where your blood’s not moving. This is kind of a strange question, um, you haven’t been drinking gravy, have ya? Because you’re like 90% meat byproduct. We’re gonna have to register you with the government.’”