Several people have asked me to talk of my initiation into the Catholic Church, so I decided, after a week of being Catholic, to talk of this past year, of my initiation and of life after Easter Vigil. I warn you that it will be a bit lengthy, but hopefully I’ll cover anything you could possibly want to know and if not, I ask you to please feel free to send me an email and I’ll try to respond as soon as I possibly can (contact info can be found on the page about Lindsay).

Well, as most of you know, I’ve been wanting to become Catholic for quite some time now. How long, though, most of you aren’t aware of. It was never really anything I ever discussed with anyone, even inside my family, until the past year or two. However, it all goes back to when I was 12 because that was when I made the decision, or, more correctly, I was called to Catholicism. At the time I didn’t think the wait would be so horrendously difficult, but it was. I had started a countdown to the day I’d be baptised when I was 14 (a secret I had kept largely to myself until now). It was a 5-year countdown and, let me assure you, it did anything but make the time pass more quickly. When the countdown got down to 365 days I absolutely couldn’t believe it, nor could I possibly convey my excitement in words. This past year has been so incredibly amazing. I came to college and found an incredibly supportive community, which was, more or less, a new phenomenon for me since many people had been less than enthusiastic about my decision. Going to Mass has been and remains to be the highlight of my week, especially during Communion. During Communion I could hardly contain myself. Watching everyone go up to receive Christ’s body was absolutely amazing. I would have to physically try to stop myself from bouncing in the pew, I was so giddy. People were receiving Christ and they had absolutely no idea how lucky they were! When they’d sit down I wanted nothing more than to throw my arms around everyone’s neck and hug them; they had Christ in them! I was sitting next to Christ! I refrained from doing so, but it was difficult. By the time the 2-month mark came around EVERYONE knew I was going to be baptised, confirmed, and taking my first communion. EVERYONE. Anyone who had spent more than 2 minutes talking to me knew, even strangers. I might have not known their name, they might have not known mine but they knew that I was the girl who was going to be Catholic on April 15, 2006 at approximately 9:45 pm. The last month was even more exciting. I would count down the days every day. During Mass I would blurt out uncontrollably, “Peace be with you – 13 days!!” People would have no idea what I was talking about, but they knew that whatever it was I was very excited about it. I was on Cloud 9 when it got down to single digits. It was… amazing. During the entire last month every time I went to Mass I would shake from excitement. My body would literally convulse and I would cry during Communion because I was so ecstatic by the thought that soon I would be coming home. Now, to most people, yes, it is a happy thing but most couldn’t understand my extreme happiness. But then again, most people are baptised at birth and so don’t understand what it’s like to go through life not being baptised. When you’re not baptised, you go through life feeling lonely, feeling empty. I’ve always been a fairly social individual, but I’ve always felt kind of disconnected from people, kind of lonely. I’ve always felt as if something’s missing but I never knew quite what. I always thought that was a normal feeling, but it isn’t. I guess going into my initiation I expected what most people expect. You always hear about the stories where people experience one of those knock-you-off-your-feet moments where they’re full of God’s fiery love. As naïve as it sounds, that’s what I expected. However, that’s not what it was like. Truth be told, it was so much better than that. Going into it, I had promised myself I wasn’t going to cry. I kept trying to hold it in, telling myself I wasn’t going to cry. Then I started crying a little. I then promised myself I wouldn’t cry a LOT. Well, needless to say, I started crying and shaking a lot. Finally I promised myself I wouldn’t cry a river because I knew I could keep that promise. But when it finally happened, I was filled with peace and contentment. Prior to my initiation, any feeling of peace or contentment had always been fleeting, but this… this was so much more intense than any feeling I had ever felt before. The closest thing I can liken it to is when you’re a child and the happiest moments are when your parents scoop you up into their arms and hold you against their breast, held tightly, embraced in their warmth, feeling their heartbeat. To any onlooker, it is a wonderful thing to see, but to you, it is more than wonderful, it is perfect; it is the MOST perfect moment, the most perfect feeling you could ever feel, and that’s what it was like for me. And more wonderful than that, the feeling hasn’t left me. Going into this I had thought this would be the conclusion to a 7-year journey. I was wrong. It wasn’t the conclusion. It was the beginning of my journey through my faith and one I am ecstatic to experience. Most people would say that the decision, the commitment I’ve made is a difficult and an admirable one to make, but honestly, it’s been the easiest one I’ve ever made and I don’t regret it for a second. I’ve been Catholic for a week now and just had my 3^rd communion, about to have my 4^th this evening and it is wonderful. It’s been such an immense blessing and I’m so very grateful for it. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I’ve been transformed, but merely that I’ve become a more fuller me. I’m still me, now I’m just… more me. I’m not just Lindsay anymore, I’m Lindsay Brigid. Now I’m the me I was always supposed to be but just never could be. I’m so happy now. I wake up every morning, tired or not, wanting to run outside and yell, yell and tell everyone how joyful I am and how amazing life is! It is so good to be home!

This would not be complete without me thanking everyone; I would be remiss to not. It would be much too difficult and much too long to name everyone, but a lot of people have been incredibly supportive & loving during this special time for me and it has meant the world to me. All of the cards, the emails, the messages, the phone calls… I can’t think of a single person who hasn’t in some way helped make this blessed time extra special for me. It means a lot to have so much love & support. So, as impersonal as this is, thank YOU!