Very Sleepy People

You can find the first part of my insomnia background here and the second installment here.

I have developed my own methods of making sleep easier when I do sleep.  For one, I always turn on a fan when I sleep.  I’ve been trained to sleep to the noise and feel of a fan since I was quite young, and being that I’m a light sleeper in general, the white noise helps to drown out virtually everything else so that nothing can disturb me.  In fact, I can hear practically nothing outside of my bedroom when I am in there.  (Note: Burglars, this is not an invitation.)  I also do not use my bedroom for anything other than sleeping or changing.  Beyond that, I don’t really go into my bedroom.  It’s an effort to train my body that being in there means sleep time.  I’ll let you know when that starts working for me.  I’ve been doing this for a long time, and so far, so not good.

I have found that even if I’m unable to sleep, though, that lying down for a while actually does help.  I constantly tell myself that if I lie down my body will reap the benefits of sleep.  Again, that hasn’t been successful, but it is helpful in relaxing me somewhat, and it’s necessary for my eyes.  My eyes get dry frequently, my bottom eyelid and the skin below it gets sore and heavy, and my eyelids actually get somewhat sticky every time they close.  Lying down and closing my eyes, even for several hours, has helped a lot with that and alleviating that look that a lot of people get when they haven’t slept.  I like to call it the Drug Addict Look.  (Hey, on the bright side, purple and blue look fantastic on my pale skin.) (I believe that’s called a silver lining.  Or optimism.  Perhaps both.)

Anyway, I’ve revisited the topic of my sleep issues several times with various doctors over the years.  I’ve largely had bad experiences.  Most doctors have refused to take the issue seriously.  The most common response I get is, “It’s just stress.  If you reduce your stress or learn stress management techniques, your sleeping will improve.”  This would be fantastic if this were entirely true.  The fact that my sleep issues persist even when on vacation or break from school (such as Christmas or the summer), and in fact are generally worse, seem to suggest that this is not the case.  I’ve pointed this out to every doctor I’ve seen, and still they wave it off.  Similarly, they will immediately go into the common suggestions for better sleep.  I’ve said many times that I’ve dealt with this since I was about fifteen or sixteen, and I’ve read a lot and experimented a lot.  Doctors do not listen to this.

That is, this all was true until I met my primary care physician in Boston.  He and I talked, and he actually listened.  In fact, before I even was able to remind him of the facts, he said, “Well, this isn’t a simple matter of stress if it’s occurring when you’re not in school.”  I almost didn’t believe him.  He also expressed his disbelief that doctors waved off my issues after having experienced them for so long.  He didn’t resort to condescension and tell me what I already knew about techniques to help.  He just listened and asked me about my normal sleep behavior.  Upon hearing everything that I could remember to say at that point, he smiled and asked me how I’ve managed to not kill anyone over the years.  I immediately liked him.  A lot.  He got it.  He also immediately suggested a sleep study.

Which brings us to today.  And on Thursday afternoon (I cancelled my 8 am appointment in Boston for a 4 pm appointment at a smaller practice in Cambridge.) I have my sleep consultation which will, hopefully, result in a sleep study.  And, hey, who knows, maybe I’ll finally figure this all out.